Here they are again, cold lonely Sunday Evenings in Berlin. I had rehearsal all morning till three o`clock and we were improvising love scenes and I sucked big time. Completly untalented there, can not even pretend a look on my face that says " I love you". lousy lousy....for right now Iam supposed to work on the bathtubqueen, but that weird mix between nostalgia depression just hit me and now Iam sitting here, listening to Tom Mc Rae`s 2003 Album "Just like blood". So yeah Mix between depression Nostalgia, having to work on the bathtubqueen- that has to do with water, so I guess that was the reason why the Portuguese invented "Fado". Only I hate Fado.Yep lousy actress, lousy portugeezer, thats what Iam. Oh yep and lousy writer of course. But I did succed in finding a perfect tune!! Tom´s best track on the album :Mermaid blues and god I love you Tom Mc Rae for writing that song:

reality really has so damn nothing to do with reality

so yep another monday another start in the week.After being in the park all afternoon and getting raped by a bee(Yes you read right raped, believe me they don´t have prickles they have evil gigantic penises and they fly around and rape you, that damn bee was flying strategically between my legs for quite sometimebefore finally attacking me in an unattentive moment) I decided yesterday later in the night to still drag myself out of the house, even though my knee looked as if I would have elephant disease or something like that. So I walk over to bar STO to visit my neighbour Moritz, since he started working there . I took my laptop with the resolution to work on the bathtubqueen (my childrenbook that I end up talking about the whole time but not really working on efficiently), but I ended up gossiping with Moritz and the guy sitting next to me , while flipping through the pages of Loverbob, Cosmo Der Spiegel and the daily newspaper(what a mix...). Anyway I waited till his shift was over at one am and then we walked home, stopping to get some thai food and continued walking. we ended up at my place watching Monsters inc.( dragging boys to my apt to see childrenmovies is kind of perverted you think...but remeber its research not slacking off in front off a screen- Just love that excuse...hhaha)eating our thai takeaway and I eventually passed out on my shabby mattress that Iam still too broke to replace by a bed, at something like 4am, only to be woken up 4 hours later by those damn handicraftsmen who are trying to fix the gas since 3 month and guess what they couldn´t make it…so at noon I had a job interview for a job at the IFA in Berlin( fair for consumer electronis and home aplliances...yes that damn humanity can never have enough of that junk) ,arrived waaay too late. And damn its always the same type of women who who hire the staff for those fairs , that sort of women who go to the tanning waaaay to often whose hair are waaaay to blond, wear waaay to o much make up and who talk waaaaay to much about natural make up and how it is important to sell yorself but stay natural and well I could tell you endlessly how ridiculous it is and that they will always keep on looking for their own Austin Powers styled mini-me but I guess you get the gist: reality ( and with reality I now mean the reality of the average working person) has so damn nothing to do with reality… but yeah I know boring boring boring . Iam home now, still listening Amanda Blanks new album " I love you " on and off to end and yes I know I already posted the video on facebook weeks ago, but the song is just too good and so much better than the original LL Cool J babbling so here she is with the amazing Santigold:

Iam off to watching some episodes off the fifth of weeds until I am tired. Ahh what can I do Iam just boring...

so I kind of had the urge to start blogging again, but keep my fiction apart from it. So yes, big time changes. I feel kind of getting in touch with my inner child again and started watching loads of cartoons and well you might think Haha from skipping work, canceling appointments because you are to fucked up to watching cartoons all day great leap kyriako. Congratulations, but well it is indeed kind of research since yes its true Iam writing on a fantasy story and well to fullfill some cliches the time from age 1-8 were my happiest and well I kind of do not see myself as Peter Pan, do not worry there, but I do wanna sort of combine Kyriako the happy child, try to laeave out the always in trouble-getting expelled from high school-changing high school 8 times, abusing substances, leaving home with 17 for the big city with great expectations but ending up again in nothing but trouble and debt Kyria from age 12-to lets say 22 ( yep I know the average puberty is until somewhat until age 18 but well you know I admit to be retarded in so many ways) And whatever Iam in best company anyway just think about Larry Clark, Michael Jackson, who couldn´t get over there childhood/teenagehood. So anyway Iam trying to find a healthy way here. Anyway my favourite so far is Watership down. I just love how it deals with death since the death of very close friends has been such a subject in the past five years. So well I never had a big relationship with my grandma in Portugal so Iam only confronted with the death of young people whcih is even sadder, but anyway as cheesy as it sounds: Watership down, the brother lionheart all that stories have an amazing way of dealing with death by incorporating fantasy and well I kind of miss that thing that you can just make up new realms and stuffs when you need it or do not really have explanations or can not really except the given explanations. And this sounds so negative, but when you think about it everybody makes up his own realm, let it be something like going to the office every day to sit oon front of a computer - has soooo nothing to do with reality, so why not actually come up with something more beautiful?
anyway, there you go getting a glimpse of where I am right now, enjoy Simon and Garfunkel plus the inner child with its own way of dealing.:

Kyria: Hey muse...Why don`t u kiss me?
The muse:U stink , Kyria....
Kyria: Thats not nice from u, saying that....
The muse: Why don`t u just move your big fat ass instead of waiting for me to kiss u smelly zombie...?
Kyria:I can`t...I somehow like living here in my big black empty hole...its so romantic and melancholic when u think about it....a pale depressive lost girl waitin for something....
The muse:lost girl lol, how sweet.try smelly zombie...u could get a shower at least......
big black empty hole:Yeah...I think so too....cannot stand u either anmore...and by the way your getting heavy Kyria...
Kyria`s big fat ass:Hey...I heard that one!....

p.h. vs t.h part 2- pet heaven- meeting Alessio

After taking 2 Xanax I woke up today after a 12 hours power-nap. I do take Xanax when I am fed up of waking up every hour. Xanax allows me to enjoy the luxury of sleeping as long as I want on a weekend night, just like the average person. You propably imagine how I sleep without it, but that is not the point. Besides getting the rest I need i also had the oppurtunity to meet Herr Nilson. One of the three turtles my brother and me owned as our first pets. I was just about to come back from another dream when I woke up. I moved my matress to find a trap door opened it and walked down. I saw him on a beautiful meadow surrounded by mountains. I fist was horribly ashamed cuz I am somehow responsible for his death, but as soon as I saw him as he rekongnized me I knew I did not have to, he looked so warm and peaceful and it was just clear that it did not matter what was before, that was all earth shit he hugged me and light was spreading out of the hugging mashed-up something, the two of us were consisting of. BY that time, I was already in love with him, wishing I was some cute little turtle girl with a shiny carapace . So we sat down next to a lake with babyblue water and started our conversation, the first thing he told me was that his name wasn`t Herr Nilson anymore, not because he did not like it but its a thing in pet heaven that you get yourself a new name as a sign of freedom. I felt really bad when I heard that as it reminded me how much of a cruelty to pet it is to be held in cages, but he said, as much as he suffered, the afterlife would make up for everything.He then told me his name was Alessio now. Why Alessio?I asked "I fell in love with Italy..." " You went to Italy as a dead turtle??? How is that possible?" "Oh that was like a campaign if you died before 1997 then you could amongst other thing choose a 2 weeks trip to any desired country. I only knew Brasil where your aunt smuggled me into the plain and then Germany where I began slavery. So in fact I haven`t heard much about other countries , but I remember the comic "the turtles" liing around in your brothers room. The comic fascinated me as there were also turtles, but yet their life was so different than Chucha Mondi and mine, they were italian and they were superheros and walking on two legs, so I found them pretty interesting and decided for italy and it was wonderful." While he was telling me his story I suddenly noticed a lettering on his right arm . "Chucha". i grabbed his arm and pointed to the tatoo."Jesus, you really were in love with Chucha?? cuz I always wondered why she never got pregnant from either you or Mondi, when there was just the three of you and nothing else to do..." " Oh It was only in the afterlife that we started dating, but of course I always loved her, just like Mondi, but you know back in slavery or life or however you might call it Mondi and I made a pact, noone would touch her, because you know, there were only the three of us and we had to stick together, we could not really afford to leave somebody out or get into a game of jealousy." I thought about how much of a fascinating character Herr Nilson or Alessio had been and I felt lousy that I didn`t try to communicate more with them when I was a child, he would have been such a good influence on my lousy sinner character. " So you two are like together now, married or whatever commitments you do have here in the afterlife?" " We see each other from now and then smile et each other, light drifts out of us and we part in different directions to fulfill our tasks,.." "what the f...?" as soon as pronounced the f-word I was violently thrown through the trap door and found myself in my dark cold room. Jesus they could have just buzzed over the word or something instead of throwing me out so violently and why did they let me in a sinner like me anyway?? I lay down again and started thinking if this hugging and light coming out of oneself-sort of thing was the heaven-equivalent to sex on earth, which would then again mean I have had sex with a giant tattoed turtle which according to earthern standards would count among zoophilia and thus paraphilia. After waking up tomorrow I should definitely take a bath....

(soon to be continued after waking up...)