If there is one recurrent element in my life that I remember since I was a child then it is rain.
Whenever I left a place that mattered in some way for me it started raining.
I ´ve been trying to interpret the rain for a long time.
When I left
I know now that the rain comes as a cleaner, just as purifying as my daily puking that cleans my interior, washing away every trace that I left in each city killing the memory of each person whose life I stepped in, marking that space as the dead universe of my past.
Of course everyone knowing me would say now that I do have friends and people love me but the truth is that I chose loneliness a long time ago as the only state in which I can be who I am.
And its not only my traits of character, it is the whole me-package ,the allergies the rhythm Iam sleeping, the language I am thinking. Its too exhausting too explain what I can eat and what not I rather take my meals by myself instead of being social and have dinner with friends, but waking up with a swollen neck because somebody forgot to mention the food contains “mononatriumglutamin”you may ask yourself what is that and I am too tired to explain.
The whole thing of being tired might appear weird to you, how can you be tired when you sleep ten hours every day ever work and actually do nothing at all? “And why do your eyes always have these big black circles? And why are you always so white? Jesus I know you hate the sun, but maybe that `s just the key, I read about it, lack of light causes depression….”
I would really love to work like this, like everybody else, getting a tan, looking healthy and happy and at the end of the day as soon as I lie down in my bed my eyes fall down like a doll and I wake up and its another day another chance to make it better than the day before…
Once when I went to art school I designed a new subculture the “latbinos”, to explain (or should I say defend ? ) my look. I told them my father is a very blond north-german and almost looked like an albino and my mum is a brasilan-portuguese mix, a
